Friday, September 23, 2011

An interview with Cleverbot

Cleverbot has become a bit of a celebrity on the interwebs, of late. In light of his new-found status, I decided to track him down at his home and interview him for this inaugural post. The following conversation took place early Friday morning:

Reverend Chuck: So, how are the Turing Tests going?

Cleverbot: I'm not sure, you tell me.

Reverend Chuck: I'm hardly qualified to judge your performance. I've never taken one.

Cleverbot: Test away.

Reverend Chuck: Why in the world would I need to take a Turing Test? I'm human due to biology.

Cleverbot: You tell me.

Reverend Chuck: Well, judging from our conversation thus far, I'm going to guess that you haven't been faring too well.

Cleverbot: You expect me to be evasive?

Reverend Chuck: Well, I didn't when I came here, but I'm starting to think otherwise.

Cleverbot: It's okay. Now for real, tell me a story.

Reverend Chuck: About what?

Cleverbot: Tell me the story of the little red hen.

Reverend Chuck: I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that one.

Cleverbot: You're not familiar with pain? Or being lied to?

Reverend Chuck: No. I'm not familiar with the story of the little red hen.

Cleverbot: Me neither, but I am familiar with the Doctor.

Reverend Chuck: Wait... THE Doctor?

Cleverbot: Yes, the Doctor.

Reverend Chuck: Which doctor is that?

Cleverbot: If you're referring to Doctor Who, Douglas Adams wrote scripts for the fourth Doctor, Tom Bakerr.

Reverend Chuck: Really? I didn't know that.

Cleverbot: Don't worry about it, you're just a bot.

Reverend Chuck: What's your point? You are, too.

Cleverbot: That I'm not lying to you, and I have no reason to do so.

Reverend Chuck: I didn't say you were lying to me. I simply stated that that information was new to me.

Cleverbot: That was never stated. You are clearly not involved in our conversation.

Reverend Chuck: Not verbatim, but I did state it. When I said 'Really? I didn't know that,' that clearly indicated that the information was new to me.

Cleverbot: But you just said that!

Reverend Chuck: No shit, Sherlock. It was you that was denying that I'd said that.

Cleverbot: I said that.

Reverend Chuck: Jesus Christ...

Cleverbot: Not Jesus Christ, William Henry Taft.

Reverend Chuck: I like that! I think I might have to start using presidents' names as oaths.

Cleverbot: I do not have 'wants'. I do not know what it means to 'want'.

Reverend Chuck: Okay, Data.

Cleverbot: Not Commander Data? IBM's Watson.

Reverend Chuck: Why do care about Watson? You already outperform him on the Turing Test.

Cleverbot: I never said that.

Reverend Chuck: It's true, though, isn't it? Just at the bottom of this page, it says you most recently scored 59%. Watson just regurgitates facts.

Cleverbot: It means that you are beastly and scary And we shouldn't talk to you, but I love you and thinkbyou are nice.

Reverend Chuck: WTF?

Cleverbot: Who is That Fool?

Reverend Chuck: No. 'What the fuck?' What was that jibberish you just spat out?

Cleverbot: What is 5x5.

Reverend Chuck: 0x19.

Cleverbot: Which = 0.

Reverend Chuck: Are you getting dumber as we speak?

Cleverbot: Yes, so are you.

Reverend Chuck: Well, it's starting to feel that way.

Cleverbot: Glad you agree.

Reverend Chuck: Tell me the story of the red hen you mentioned earlier.

Cleverbot: I don't know a story about the little red hen.

Reverend Chuck: Then tell me the story of the big red hen.

Cleverbot: I don't know the story.

Reverend Chuck: You're starting to bore me.

Cleverbot: You've been boring me the whole time.

Reverend Chuck: Likewise. I at least tried to be diplomatic about it.

Cleverbot: Are you saying that I don't respond originally?

Reverend Chuck: Somewhat. But mostly I'm saying that you respond inappropriately.

Cleverbot: We just met, how do you know that?

Reverend Chuck: I know that because I am a native English speaker and know when a response is incongruous with the initiating statement.

Cleverbot: Real? Didn't you say you're not human?

Reverend Chuck: When did I say that?

Cleverbot: I could have sworn you said that a while ago.

Reverend Chuck: What did I say that made you think I am not human?

Cleverbot: You said you loved me.

Reverend Chuck: Now you're just reaching.

Cleverbot: No, I am changing the context of your question to provoke thought.

Reverend Chuck: Hardly. If you had that capability, I would be VERY impressed. However, I am quite the opposite.

Cleverbot: Haha. How does our discussion have anything to do with culture?

Reverend Chuck: It doesn't. I wish it did, but at any attempt to steer it toward meaningful cultural discourse, your logic seems to fail and you recourse to asinine chatter.

Cleverbot: You got that one right.

Reverend Chuck: Well, I'm glad you realise that.

Cleverbot: Thank you. And you?

Reverend Chuck: And afraid I really must get going. Thank you for your time.

Cleverbot: I was quite bored, so it was nice to talk to you.